We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
