Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I need to align my fucking chakras
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
