so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
