My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
