In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How does one acquire holy water?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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