I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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