But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
