I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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