she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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