Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
kristin has been a bad kristin
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
