i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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