Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
