I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
