My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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