Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
