I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
