Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
