did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
