I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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