Your mouth is God's brothel.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
