I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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