I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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