I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
