Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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