SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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