I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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