When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
