you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think my moral compass just broke
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
