Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There r osticjed everywhere
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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