i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
