the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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