Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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