I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
