Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
