I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
