Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
