all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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