i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
