you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
