i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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