I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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