I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
