remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
