Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
