We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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