so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
