I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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