I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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