I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
