well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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