yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
