I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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