We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
