So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I want a musical about memes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
PANTIES FOUND
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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